Thursday, February 18, 2010

Disappointment

How does Lindsay Jacobellis deal with falling off course after practicing for 4 years to get back to the olympics?

How do those who can't have children and so desperately want them come to grips with the reality that they might never bear their own child?

How does one give up a part of who they are and try to recreate what defines and motivates them?
When life changes forever, how do you recreate the image and goals you have for your life?

Questions like these have been running through my mind this week.

I know that life hands each of us disappointments. Some are small (I really wanted to go to the park today and it is raining). Some are big (not landing that job you really wanted) and some seems too big to handle.
This might not seem like a big deal to you, and maybe I am over reacting (What? JAMIE? over react??? NO . . .) But on Monday after a stationary bike work out, my back started hurting and got worse and worse. By Tuesday I could barely walk. The bad part is that this has happened twice in the last 9 months . . . all after different events, but pain in the exact same location. I have a bulged disc in my lower back. This shouldn't be a big deal, except that I tried SO hard to rest for 4 months so that it would get better. It about killed me to stop running, stop competing and try to wait for it to get better. I decided if I was feeling good I would start working out again in January. I started to train for a triathlon so that I was only running a couple time a week. I started slow, tried to stretch well and listened to my body. Apparently, it was enough.
The doctor and Chiropractor have both mentioned that this could be a life long problem. Being in pain and having to put training on hold is difficult, but thinking that I may NEVER train for anything again, or that I may never be able to run again is almost impossible to get a grasp on.

Like I said, it might not mean much to you, but take the one thing you feel defines you. Something that motivates you and when people ask what your hobbies are, they are all in this category. The top three words that describe you all are defined by this activity. Then say you could never do it again. You were forced to give it up . . . forever. How do you grasp this new reality and re-define who you are?
I love being active, athletic, energetic and a do-it-all type. Now I can't even lift a box to set up for my PE class.

Once again, I realize there are MUCH worse things that could happen. I follow a blog about a woman (Stephanie) who was in a plane accident and burned most of her body. She will never look the same again. Although she is grateful to be alive, she is daily trying to come to grips with her new "look" and all the things she may never be able to do again (like hold her children).
she has had to recreate her entire life and dreams for the future. I know it was a process for her (and still is).So I pose this question to you:
When you are disappointed, big or small, how do you accept the reality that life has changed? What do you find to give you motivation to keep going?

5 comments:

Fowler family said...

Oh Jamie,

I am so sorry. A bulging disc in your back? That sounds painful!!! I'm sorry too that you got the news that it just might be ongoing for the rest of your life.

You are such an amazing athlete and I can see why this would be so devastating for you to hear.

I hope your back feels better and you can feel comfortable soon.

In regards to disappointment. I think time helps heal your heart a lot. Also, just having the faith that maybe other doors will open when one door is closed has helped me get through times of trial/disappointment.

Hang in there.

mich said...

I'm so sorry. I was worried that this might be the case. I know it doesn't make you feel any better, but there a lots of great things about you that have nothing to do with athletics. Sometimes redefining yourself is a good thing.

I think back to my mission where I had to redefine myself. Until that point I had succeeded at everything I'd attempted, and I saw myself as capable of everything. Not succeeding in missionary work helped me to discover that I really am nothing in comparison to God. But that realization helped me to discover my true value--not as someone who was good at something, but as someone who was trying to please God.

I love you, Chica, and I'm so glad Dave picked you! You'll be in my prayers.

Tyler and Kacey Ahlstrom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tyler and Kacey Ahlstrom said...

Jamie hang in there! You may be limited right now, but the Doctors sometimes make it sound worse than it actually is. I understand though that it's always easier to tell someone else than to hear yourself. Good Luck with all you are dealing with.

Mary Ann (Crockett) Ahlstrom said...

Ugg...this post makes me sad for you. You're right. I can't imaging you doing anything else. But I know you to be a person that if something doesn't work out, you find something else to be amazing at. I don't doubt this will be any different. I sincerely hope that you can recover. But IF it doesn't happen, find something else you can do. Whatever you set your mind to, you are marvelous at. Go for it!